We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
