its not stalking. its research.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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