I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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