it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
