he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
