Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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