she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
