I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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