Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
