um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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