Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
