He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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