this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
