That's when you crack a 10am beer
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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