She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
