New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
