Kiss
Puke
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
