Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
