So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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