i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
