my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
