just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
