hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize