absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
