Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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