I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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