When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
