I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
