Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You should frame my arrest warrant.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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