I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
