Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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