So drunk its hurt
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
