Where is the hickey?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
