i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
