why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
