hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
