ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
