Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just had sex on a roof
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize