I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
