Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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