Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
