my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize