I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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