How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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