turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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