I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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