My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize