i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
