i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
