the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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