yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
