What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
