I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
