I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
