so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
