I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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