Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
