before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
