He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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