She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
