Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
