i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
