Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
