I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
