We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
