ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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