She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
