I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
