Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
