dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
