I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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